Astig ako dun!

Dumating na ba yung panahon na, proud ka sa sarili mo sa mga kaya mong gawin?
Ngayong misomg oras na ito, PROUD ako sa sarili ko. May kaya akong gawin na hindi kaya ng iba. Astig ako dun!
Ako, ayokong maging magaling sa lahat ng bagay, tama na sa kin yung may alam ako kahit pano. takot ako, baka habang abala ako sa pagiging magaling sa isang bagay, hindi ko na masubukan ang iba pa. Maikli lang ang buhay. Lahat, itry lang ng itry. (maliban sa pinagbabawal na drugs)

teka, tinamad ako bigla hanggang dito na muna.

talking to myself no more

Everyday is a battle. A battle between life and death. A battle of good and evil. A battle of hope and giving up. Which path will you go through and live for 'til the end? It's an invisible question that we are always answering through our actions.

There's one thing, I wanted to tell myself today. At this very moment.
I was supposed to visit a friend in Alabang, because last Saturday she just texted me that she has a problem and I wasn't able to go there in an instant because I have no money that time.So I decided to visit her today, Monday, and here now is a special holiday celebrating National Heroes Day actually.
Aaaaaaaaand, because of that, last night I told my boyfriend that I will visit my friend and I actually need a home to stay for just one night and he looks happy to see me even though we already had time with each other last week. Last night, I am also excited to go there just to unwind at the same time so I decided to wake up 5am in the morning and fly as early as I could. BUT WHAT THE HELL that I woke up at 7:36 in the morning! Should I really need to get mad or I will rush to the bathroom and take a bath and pack my things?

I decided not to go. Simply 'coz I'm a student and I have an exam tomorrow I would rather stay here in the house watching movie that we are going to criticize and review some movies also. THOUGH i hate it that my  plan doesn't work out, I believe that there's a better plan and reason why this just happen. Just go with the flow right? Because if there is something good that is waiting for me in there, then destiny will wake me up as early as 4.30 right? :) Come on! Bare with me just Think about it! :)

Trial sa Adobe Lightroom 3.4

Hindi ko na naman maintindihan si Beng.

Putagris! Pasensya na sa pagmumura. Pero parang hindi ko na kaya. Pero kaya ko pa talaga. Ang mga nangyayari, hindi ko maintindihan. Ang mga taong ayaw ko makita ay palaging nandyan at kung sino pa ang ninanais mong makasama ay wala. WALA. 

Napakabigat ng linggong ito para sa akin. Noong lunes ay nakatanggap ako ng isang masamang balita tungkol sa isang kaibigang namayapa na sa murang edad pa lamang. Noong nakaraang Marso ay katatapos lamang niya ng kursong Nursing at ngayong araw na ito mismo, Agosto 23, 1012, isa siya sa mapalad na nakapasa nsa Nursing Licensure Exam. Nabigla ako sa aking nabalitaan. Siya na isang maka-Dyos, at mababatid sa muka ang pagka-positibo, ang mga matang puno ng dedikasyon sa bawat trabaho ngayon, wala na. Sabi nga nila, Expect the Unexpected.

 Akala ko ay may malalang sakit na sumira sa kanyang katawan ngunit mas malala pa pala sapagkat isang kampon ng kadiliman ang gumamit ng kanyang katawan upang isabit ang kanyang maputing leeg sa kurdon ng computer dahilan para siya ay malagutan ng hininga. Ang katotohanan ay mas lalong kumurot sa aking puso. Bakit?

Sabi nila ay isang problema daw ang dahilan ng lahat. Baka nga sobrang sakit na. Isa lang ang aking napagtanto. Sinusubukan tayo ng Panginoon sa bawat oras. Mapanlinlang ang kadiliman. Kaya sana, makinig tayo sa puso. Sa lahat ng oras. 

Ako ay si Beng.

Sometimes, I hate my self.

I took a sip on my coffee cup and look at the time. It's 11:45am. I was supposed to be in our office for an Editorial Board meeting but here I am, enjoying my weekend with my sisters, lying in my bed that I could only be with for one night or two. I just started to be busy since the 2nd week of July and it is actually normal for a graduating college student like me. It'll be a long weekend since today is Sunday and Monday-Tuesday is an Official Holiday. Just Wow!

Let's talk about why I hate my self. Please read my second sentence on the first paragraph. I don't know what's the problem with me. I can't even be more punctual in that office for this year. I don't really know. What I know is that I can't take myself out of that group of elite people who are specialized in the so called Journalism. Yeah, I am a staff. I am a Photojournalist there. Before I joined the team, I asked my self to do something what I really don't like. And it is to take responsibility that I can't manage. Obviously, this is the result. Actually, I really love taking photographs and submitting them to our EIC and then publish it. It is really fucking awesome feeling. Aside from that, there is nothing more I love. Oh, asking about them as my colleagues? They're nice. But I can't help myself comparing their knowledge to mine. They are awesome and I am just an average one. Maybe, that's one of the reasons why there's an edge between me and the team.

Isn't it nice to know the answers to you questions unconsciously? Because earlier I just said that I don't know why I don't want to be with them but then I just answered it. I just noticed. Oh m!

It's just that, the only answer to our questions cannot be answered by whoever Poncious Pilate but it is You and only You who knows it. Just wait for the right time and your questions will turn out into an awesome conclusions.